mother’s day, and remembering

Mom’s been gone for 20 years.

There were a few things she liked, that still make me nostalgic when I smell them.  Windsong eau de toilette.  Devon Violets (this was something she started wearing when my great grandma was on the decline).  Plain lavender.  I remember her wearing patchouli when I was just a little kid, it was golden and floral and magical with her chemistry, but she totally disowned it when I was old enough to know about perfume, saying it was a part of her past best forgotten.  I never knew if she was referring to my dad, or her brief time in the hippie counterculture, or if it was just too painful thinking about how she wasn’t able to complete college during that era, or what.

I will never know if this is how she pictured my future.  And I will never know if she approves of my creative life.  I have a pretty good feeling she’d be okay with it, but she’d be kicking my butt to gain more momentum, and maybe I’d have enough of that by now to leave the IRL job and just pursue aromatics full time.

I’ve been toying with making something to commemorate her, for a couple years, but the time is never right for that.  It’s still not right.  Maybe in a few years.

The BF was supportive today.  He’s not in touch with his parents at all.  So, it was happy mother’s day to me, from the furkids (one of whom gifted me with a pre-holiday puddle of puke last night, when she inhaled some halibut too fast).

I dabbed on a bit of diluted gulhina attar and went about my business today.  Honestly, it’s just another Sunday.  I haven’t had a Sunday with mom for 20 yrs and 2 wks.

I miss you, mom.